THE PLAY PARADOX: WHY WE RESIST WHAT WE NEED MOST

Wanna dance? 💃🏼 There isn't a dance floor I don't love—it's my favorite. Once the music hits, it's like a gravitational pull, I just can't help myself! Whether it's jumping around to 90s pop in my kitchen or cutting it up on a dimly lit dance floor, dancing transports me. I remember trying silent disco (a must do!) for the first time last year on a family vacation. Feeling exhausted after a long day of travel, the moment that first beat dropped, something shifted. My shoulders relaxed, my energy returned, and suddenly I had the endurance of my 21-year-old self out with friends until the sun comes up. Dancing is when I experience the purest joy of playfulness in my body most vividly.

 

Dancing isn't the only way we can experience play. The state of play is a blended state of our autonomic nervous system. When we're in the energy of play, we experience a mix of primarily being in our ventral vagal state—where we feel safe and connected—combined with some mobilized sympathetic energy that keeps us engaged and energized.

 

Play isn't just for kids—it's a biological need that continues throughout our lives. Research consistently shows that playful activities boost our mental health, enhance our well-being, and improve cognitive function. It's when we experience our highest state of creativity and possibility!

When we play, our brains release dopamine and endorphins, reducing stress hormones and creating feelings of joy and relaxation. Regular play has been linked to increased problem-solving abilities, better relationship satisfaction, and even longer lifespans. Despite these benefits, many of us have forgotten how to play or don't prioritize it in our busy lives.

 

Why can play sometimes be challenging for us? Often because the spontaneity and improvisation can make us feel uneasy and uncertain, even threatening to our system. It might remind us of times in our childhood when play wasn't allowed or when we were criticized for being silly or playful. Our body remembers these experiences!

 

Beyond childhood experiences, several present-day realities often create roadblocks to playfulness:

Time constraints and productivity culture: In a world that values efficiency and output, play can seem frivolous or wasteful. We've been conditioned to believe every moment should be "productive."

 

Fear of judgment: As adults, we worry about looking foolish or immature when we play openly. This social anxiety can prevent us from letting go and enjoying playful moments.

 

Perfectionism: Play involves risk, mistakes, and sometimes failure—all things perfectionists try to avoid. The unstructured nature of true play can feel threatening when we're used to controlling outcomes.

 

Digital distractions: While online activities can be entertaining, they often lack the embodied, fully present quality of genuine play that engages our whole being.

 

The number one job of our nervous system is to keep us safe at all costs. If you find yourself uncomfortable with or shutting down playful energy in your life, here are a few ways to slowly shift this experience in a tolerable way that won't overwhelm your nervous system:

Reclaiming play in our lives isn't about forcing ourselves into uncomfortable situations—it's about gently expanding our capacity for joy, spontaneity, and presence. Each small step toward play builds neural pathways that make future playful experiences easier and more accessible.

 

Play isn't a luxury or a waste of time—it's essential maintenance for a healthy human system. Just as we recognize the importance of sleep, nutrition, and exercise, we need to honor play as a vital component of wellbeing. By giving ourselves permission to be playful, we not only enhance our own lives but create ripple effects that touch our relationships and work communities.

This week, I invite you to notice one opportunity each day to introduce a small element of play. It might be as simple as taking a different route home and exploring what you see, dancing in your kitchen for one song, or spending five minutes doodling without judgment.

 

In your journal or notes app, record how you feel before and after these brief play moments. What shifts in your body? What changes in your mood or energy? No need to force anything—simply observe with curiosity.

 

Reflection questions: Where do you already experience play in your life? Where might you begin exploring play in new ways? How can you make play a priority this week? And as always, stay open, brave, and on-purpose.